gulp

talked to fateh and reddy after a length, finally got their correct numbers in my phone.

They share b'days .

2 good personalities.(2 does not implies too)

whom do i write for?

Although I am not an avid writer, but I still brag about it .errr....ok

whosoever reads it, complains about the length and about the relevance of the topics.

and those who don't read ask me the name and then complain about the length and difficulty in remembering this name.

some duel with me on the topic of following of the blog written by any arbit person.

whenever I hear such comments, my memory just drags me 2 years back, when I came back home to live full time here after 4 yrs. Truly speaking I had great difficulty in adjusting back here,Back there at college howsoever I bragged about Delhi, I knew that I am indifferent to it.

It wasn't only the changes that I had to adapt to the daily life after coming back here , but yes change in routine and acting like a a decent person was hard .

Double meaning sentences kept my brain flooded and I was complacent enough to smile and laugh together whenever I remembered something situational.

Things with friends were not good either, with friends came their own friends and with that usually started some bitching.

One thing that amazed me that they have this unique capability to comment on each and everything.I was bewildered.Why cant they just be ****(Nothing censored here, I just couldn't remember the word).

well 2 years have passed, and from the perspective of sociology I have understood and completely in, for the motion of the fact that humans can adjust according to the situations , howsoever worse they can be.

I digressed again from my main theme, and with this digression I also forgot what I was willing to write, except the fact that I write for myself.

selfish Brat!

ahhhhhh!!!

It might sound vulgar, but today when I was going to the washroom , a female , a plump one was coming out of the women's rest room(men's and women's washroom are adjacent to each other). and just when she pulled the door open , she heaved a sigh of relief ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!(or with some extra 'h') :D

I was wondering, what it would be inside the women's restroom, so relieving that her heave was so much ecstatic.

I pondered over this issue for a considerable amount of time.

possibilities:

1. she had taken the sigh of relief just after doing whatever relived her, and was so much pleased and wanted to tell the whole world about her happiness(this is very much possible , as she can be a socially affable person, who likes to share )

2. Physics can be behind this: speed of light is definitely much greater then speed of sound. she would have made the sound inside the lavatory, but it reached me later.and she emerged before then her sound.

3. she has used the lavatory first time in her life , thats why she is so much relieved and happy(after all she will be counted among so called high society)

4. Some adjustment bureau is plotting against her.They just made the sound according to her lip movement, so as to socially degrade her(its very unlikely, because only I was present at that time, and I care 2 hoots about her, but care much about this blog, thats y I am writing this )

5.She is suffering from dyslexia.

6. she is suffering from ghajini.

7. She is suffering from constipation.

8.She is from some secret agent service, some under cover cop and it was some code that she wanted to give or was mistaken me from the same fraternity to which she belonged to.

9.this option cant be spoken of , in public(statistical results of vox populi says that).

whatever it is, she will be a good manager, because she is vociferous and is vocal of what she feels.

conclusion: those who fart, burp, hawk , spit in public are good managers or are budding talents for managers

lemma 1 : Indians are born managers

lemma 2: that is why IIM are in India.

Ants, Aunts and Lizards

I am admitting that whatever I write and the heading that I give to it have totally no connection. But what to do, I am like this only.

I do not like reptiles, they are so filthy and repulsive. With Lizards I have a relation of instinctive dislike. They are so creepy. With the passage of time, I have seen those simple yellow colored lizards are not seen anywhere easily, they have been replaced by their more hideous counterpart, which are brown black in color and have scales on their bodies.

I remember , when I was preparing for the entrance exams , I used to study in my room and daily at dawn , these creatures used to come out of their homes, usually behind the tubelights and some other corners.and with it was usually the inception of some gang war. two or more gangs of lizards, each group claiming the reign on their walls. Numerous times I have seen them running behind each other, biting each other, hissing sounds and even have tolerated the smell of their farts. yes these bastards fart as well and its hell intolerable too.

These bloody creatures have wasted my innumerable hours, I have spent hundreds of hours in lizard gazing . wow! I can add one more activity in my resume, and if not resume, then at least facebook, twitter profile.

I am suffering from lizardoJumpingPhobia , whenever I see one, I get the feeling that it will jump on my head. So this blog is about my developing LizardoJumpingPhobia .

One day I entered my room , and saw this little creature on one of the wall. it was hovering all over the place and by the look on its face it was apparent that it was having a fairly good and liberal time .

I said: WTF are you doing here, get out right now.

Lizard was scampering all over the place especially on the Michael Jackson and my favorite Calvin and Hobbs poster.

There was a Paris Hilton poster as well.

Lizard, with a quite annoyed look on its face (as I had intervened in her so called good time).

it jumped on me, and I fell down flat face on the floor.It took me by my throat and started strangulating me and also started banging my head against the wall.But somehow, I got off from her reach and spat on her.The next moment the lizard was lying on floor holding its crotch.

She gave a look as if its Megatron and will unleash the decepticons on me one day.

This fear is still swarming in my brain.

Enough for my hatred for lizards.

Aunts:

I hate them, I despise them.

Especially those who are too nosy, and bulky as well. well most of them are like that only.

I feel quite amazed that they have this special ability to ask any question that they should not ask and they can discuss each matter that exists and does not exists.

although some of them are good , but most of them lie in the annoying category!

I hope they dont follow this blog.

Control System

They say , it has a considerable effect on you , if you ever try to go in that direction.

It was my 2nd year, 3rd sem to be precise and a night of the winter.nothing was extraordinary, except i was too pleased to go out and join some b'day celebrations or to do any other arbit stuff, the world of chatting was kindaa new and buyokotten's product was already sweeping the success.

1 am in the morning .the door was banged open shamelessly, as if some hero is entering in a cheap hindi flick .

It was my roomie,Atul(bhind).

A: kya kar raha hai?

me: a smile answered all.

A: aaj CR se party lee hai.

me:hmm,(eyes still on screen)

by then, A had declared by his actions that he was off to sleep.

after 5 minutes from going to his bed

A: prep ho gayi.

me: hmm

me: prep, kis cheez ki?

A:electronics waalon ka kal practical hai naa.

me:(virtually fucked)

me: how come it skipped my mind yaar. damn, ab kya karoon?

A: (laughing insanely)

me:maine to file bhi nahin banai. Fuck this orkut.

A: kisi se le le.

me: checked ,MG was online. pinged him

me: MG yaar file de de mein aa raha hoon room pe.

MG: abe mein to CS khel raha tha abi tak, 1 baar bhi nahin padha, kis se padhonga mein..

after 5 mins of online persuasions, he gave in

at 2:05 am I had the file from MG and at 4 , my file was ready.

next day practical was of course a deaf and dumb performance by me.

:p

The milky way

Some memories make u laugh, some make u feel disgusted , some make u feel lighter and so on.But some of them are just bizarre, when they streak off somewhere in ur mind, u feel the objectiveness of the emotions associated with them. They are not exactly inexplicable but deciphering them is definitely incomprehensible .

In my engineering years, the bad part was always coming back home for a long period.This memory is associated with the 2 month vacation before the start of the final year of engg. being home meant getting robbed of ur dignity and all the good habits I had acquired staying away from home. for that articular period I had to give up my new ways of life, which are definitely procrastination and apathy . Not only this, with all the sorrows the compulsion to get up early in the morning was also there and helping family people out in their daily chores, which was really painful .

So one fine evening, my lazybums were ordered to bring some 2-3 kg yellow sugar, I went to the nearby store and while coming back I thought of taking a long route rather then the obvious one.

I had my earphones on as well, because I had acquired a new mp3 player recently. One thing which is very particular about the area where I live is that there are ot of old people, so quite a peaceful place but yes their whining also get started at the drop of the hat.

Here i was walking ,within a distance of 25 m I saw Mrs.Kaur(Kaur Aunty) .Now something about her. She is 60-70 year old, with very visible mustache and beard ;) She stays alone and prefers to do all her work on her own. she has been living here for past 30 years,and she has always looked the same since I was in 1st or 2nd standard.she has a hobby also, any tennis ball or plastic ball(andaa) which touches her by mistake ,she will keep it , any ball if ever dropped in her porch will be lost forever, because she will keep it. by this time, i suppose she must have 2-3 thousand tennis balls with her. she whines a lot . So i was walking and she was in very visible range. she was having a vessel o carry the milk and it was filled with milk as it was visible from the condensation drops outside the vessel.

A weird thought ran across my mind, what will happen if i hit my bag containing sugar with her vessel.I just had thought this, the next moment I heard a cacophony punjabi reprimanding someone and bad luck, that some one was me only. There must have been some bad coordination among the brain and the reflexes generated , as this time it had happened simultaneously, as it was very visible from the spilled milk on the road.

The cacophony was getting mixed up with the voice from the mp3 player,which was playing some English song, but whatever it was the song and the cacophony mix was not a promising one.I unplugged my ears, and aunty's voice became more clear.As such scenes were quite common with Kaur aunty, so people kept themselves to their business, except some typical aunty type stuff, who came to her rescue,they were 3 in number.

One voice: auntyji , u are not hurt, are you?

Mrs K: hai, mera doodh gir gaya.(milk is spilled)

Mrs K: munde tenu jedi tameez ni hegi, ki apna thaila hila hila ke chalda peya ae.(dont u have manners, why are u swaying ur bag like this)

me: sorry aunty, wo pata nai kaise lag gaya aapko, mein pay kar deta hoon

Mrs K : aajkal ke bachya noo, jara tameez hegi ee nai, vekho mainu paise denda peya aye.

Kaanan vich taaran paaye hue, kamle bande firde hain.( children today dont have iota of manners in them, just keep their ears plugged with earphones, and see he is offering money to me for his mistake)

me: searching for money in the pockets ;p

with this and some more whining she mend her way and i started to mine.

Sometimes when i reflect upon this incident i never understand why and what made me to do that act , funny act i mean , what exactly leadto the discoordination.

but whatever it was it was funny(for me at least)

randimosity

how randomness is an important part of our lives, I mean if it goes along a curve without any possible tangents then its definitely a sucker punch.and too much sine -cosines will cause things to go too much out of bounds. people want to be politically correct always. i dont know why.

even I do. I mean there is some sort of avarice in human brain to be politically correct. the degree of political correctness might vary from person to person.

to be continued.....